Patience, Possiblities, and Out of Time

Well, I have officially been out of school for 10 days. It's so nice to just have a break and not have to deal with school stuff for a little while. I am still waiting on one grade though, and it's nerve wracking. My scholarship and my financial situation for the next year rides on that one little letter that my Ecology professor doesn't seem to want post. It is very frustrating and makes me extremely antsy. Needless to say, patience has never really been my strong suit. I attempt to work on it some times, but really, I just don't usually do very good with it. I live in a world of instant gratification, and you expect me to wait for things? Are you crazy? I wouldn't really care about waiting for the grade if it weren't for the fact that as long as it is at least a C+ than I will have kept my scholarship for all 4 years of my undergrad. I'm pretty sure I pulled at least a C+ but I don't want to get my hopes up too much just in case. This semester definitely wasn't my best. My first ever grades lower than a B+. Two of them in fact. But as long as I still have a 3.7 I am happy.

I may have a job for the summer. Just part time working 20 hours a week or so at the Lin's Pharmacy. It won't help a whole ton with my money situation (I am completely broke and am pretty sure I will be until I graduate with my Pharm.D.) but it is certainly better than nothing, and I am thrilled about it. I would be perfectly willing to do it unpaid because I need the experience, I will be getting certified as a Pharm Tech, so keep your fingers crossed for me that it will work out. Just waiting for state approval now.

My marathon is now less than a month away. I'm pretty much terrified. There is no way I am even going to be close to ready. I slacked of way way way too much this last semester. It's not going to be good, but I'm pretty much out of time. I will just have to run like crazy the next two weeks and hope I won't completely die when I run because I'm doing it anyway even though I'm not going to be ready. Oh well. I will just have to run with Jack. He loves running. And now I make him carry my water. It makes me happy.

Fateful, Finals, and Running

Well, last night was one of those iconic days in history. The kind that maybe someday my children will ask me if I remember happening. To be honest, I'm really curious what I will remember. Will I remember it as the day we caught the terrorist responsible for so much death and pain? Will I remember it as one of America's prouder moments? Or will I remember it with sadness? I know what Osama did was wrong, I know that so many people are still suffering wounds from what he did, but I find it hard to rejoice in a death. I'm not trying to make light of September 11, that day was tragic, but it's sad that so much pain had to follow for the next 10 years. And quite frankly, I'm scared of what is coming next. I don't think that just because Osama is gone it will mean that everything will be over, that our troops with all come home and finally we will be at peace. I just don't think it's possible. Maybe that's just because half of my life has been spent hearing about the Iraqi conflict, but I just don't think it's that easy. So, I'm worried about what this day will end up being down the road when I finally will be in a position to tell my children about it.

But on other notes. School is finally almost over for this semester. I can't wait. This has been the roughest semester I have ever had. Quite frankly, I'm just tired. Too tired to care anymore. Tired in every way. Tired in ways that sleeping what solve. But it's down to only 3 days left. Just two more finals, one speech, and then finally, finally I get to go home again, and hopefully recharge my emotional and mental batteries a little, because right now they don't have much juice left to keep on going. I'm a little scared for my grades this semester, because I didn't put in the effort that I should have, but whatever happens, happens, and I will have to deal with it however it ends up happening. If it finally is time to say good bye to my full ride, I will be upset, I will probably cry, I will be mad and disappointed in myself that I let things slip through my fingers this semester, but I will also be grateful that I got school almost completely paid for for three years, that's more than a lot of people can say, and more than I was hoping for when I first applied for this scholarship. I guess we will see what happens.

So the results for the 5k still are not posted, so I don't know yet how close I was to that medal, even though it really doesn't matter because there isn't much I can do about it anyway. But there is just under 6 weeks before I am running my first marathon. I have to admit, I am terrified. Along with everything else, my training kind of fell by the wayside this last semester and I am no where near as close to being ready as I should be. But once I'm home it will be a little easier, because I will have my family, and my sister to run with, and Jack to run with as well, and hopefully I can spend those 5 weeks getting ready enough that I don't die. All I want is to finish. I can do that right?

Five K, Finally over, and Plans

So, today was my first ever 5k. I know, I know, I tend to do things a little backwards, half marathon first and then 5k. At least I didn't do a full marathon before the 5k. Overall it went pretty good. I finished in 36:54, which was a little slower than I wanted to, but in my defense the race was mostly uphill, and I also had no idea how far I had gone so it was hard to pace myself. If you ever decided to plan a race, you should have it marked, like 1k, 2k, etc. It makes it a lot easier to run it. Once again, I was the pace setter for someone. I love that. Honestly it's one of my favorite things to feel like I helped someone else just by doing something that I was doing anyway. This time it was this guy who pretty much was with in ten feet of me the entire race, either behind or in front. When he finished I said something to him about being race buddies, and he was like, "I know, thanks so much, you really helped." Makes me smile. It is also really neat because it has been snowing for two days straight up here,(I know, crazy Utah bipolar weather) but it cleared up long enough for the race and stopped snowing, then started again when I was driving home. I'm a little disappointed because I finished 4th in my age group, which is of course fantastic and way better than I expected, but it's just annoying because if I had just been faster than one other person I would have received a medal for it. I'm waiting for the final results though to see how far ahead of me third was. If it was the girl who finished right in front of me I will be pissed because she only passed me because I stopped to tie my shoe. Anyway, I'm pretty happy about it overall and the beauty of it is that I know I can improve from that time without too much work so here's to going up from here.

On other matters, I am so glad this semester is almost over. Only 25 days until I move home for the summer. I cannot wait. It has been a rough semester for me, I'm quite frankly terrified to see what my grades are going to look like, but hopefully high enough to keep my scholarship. If not though I already have a place to live, which is great. I am truly grateful for good friends.

Also, next weekend I'm going on a repelling trip down to Cedar with a few people from up here. Very excited. It's always fun to get more people out to do things like that. It is also Josh's homecoming talk. Can I just say, nerves!! I haven't seen him in 2 years, (well, 23 months but still). I have no idea what to expect or how awkward he's going to be when I do see him again, but it will also be great to see him anyway. So yeah, lots of awesome things in the next few weeks. I can't wait.

Fast Forward, Five K, and Weekends

So I am pretty sure that someone decided that my life wasn't going by fast enough and hit the fast forward button. Its already the middle of February almost, I feel like January just barely started. In a lot of ways that's really great because I have a lot of really exciting things going on this summer. Most of my friends come home from missions, road trip with Sarah and Jake, running my first marathon, and who knows what else, but I'm very excited for it. However, I have no time to get caught up with anything. I wouldn't mind if it went just a little slower for awhile.

So I signed up for my first 5k last week. I am super excited!! It's going to be so much fun...well maybe fun is the wrong word, but I'm excited regardless. I have to get to where I can run a little faster though, but last week I cut 6.5 minutes of my fastest ever 5 miles. So that was very very exciting and a good start. I love that I am making progress to my goal of being able to say that I am a runner.

So that's all for now, except I have to say that this semester has the best weekends!! I only have about 3 that I don't have something exciting going on and I can't wait!! This weekend, Sarah Beth is coming to visit!! YAY!! Next weekend, Parade of Homes, All weekend long. I am so excited!! Best weekend of the whole year!

Semester, Sarah Beth, and Honor Society

Well, what a last little bit of a week or so...I swear this semester is trying to kill me. It is so busy all the time. I just feel like I can't get my head above water and we are only three weeks in. This is how you are supposed to feel right before finals week, not the very beginning of the semester. I have both a biochem and a human physiology test next week. Both on the same day. Who does that! But it's going by so fast that I am not really sure how to deal with it. I mean seriously!!! January is almost over!! What happened to it? I don't understand where the days went? This year has so many things going on I'm not sure I'm ready for it to go by so fast. I have to apply for pharmacy school and graduation in like ten months!! That is way too soon. What happened to my college career!! I just can't believe that I am almost a senior. Or that I have managed to keep my scholarship so far and have really great odds to keep it next year. That is fantastic!!

So I got an invitation to join the Phi Kappa Phi Honor Society today. I don't know if I should or not. It sounds really prestigious and everything and like it would be valuable to resumes or whatever, but it's 80 bucks. I don't know. This year and next are really going to take their toll on my wallet. or as someone's facebook status said today "Dear Bank Account, nomnom nom. Sincerely, College." It made me laugh so hard.

I got to go have dinner tonight with my favorite, Sarah Beth. I was so excited to see her. She's so great and always makes me laugh. It's nice just to feel like I can let loose and be crazy because I don't really know how to do that all that well, and she really does, so that was great. And she is coming to visit me!! I'm so excited. These next three weekends are going to be crazy. MG sleepover this weekend (so excited), Sarah Beth next weekend, and the home for the parade of homes the next weekend!!! YAY!!! Three awesome things right in a row.

On a side note, I got some interesting news from my older brother that made me laugh like crazy. Sometimes I can't believe some of the things that he does.

My Baby, My Speech, and Sidenotes

I don't really have a ton to write today. It's been a very stressful week for me, I don't exactly know why but it's just like everything caught up with me and I had a little bit of a freak out on tuesday night, but life is a little better now. I wish like crazy though that I could have Jack up here with me. I love his freakin' face. He makes me laugh all the time, and he just loves me so much. I miss him.

Anyway, so I gave my first speech in my public speaking class today. That was completely nerve wracking, and not really my all time favorite thing ever. I think that I did okay in it, but I don't know, I was shaking like crazy, which is just silly. I was only in front of like 20 people, and the speech wasn't even graded. It makes me kind of sad sometimes. I wish that I wasn't such a baby about things, I wish I was braver. I wish I didn't let my fears rule me so much of the time. Which is kind of ironic because I am all about facing your fears. I don't believe that you sho

uld let being afraid of something stop you from doing it, yet if I really look at it, I kind of do a lot more than I should. It's sad and I really need to work on changing that.

Speaking of facing fears...they are starting a ballroom team most likely up here at the U, and I am thinking about trying out for it. Last night they had a ballroom social and I have to admit I was kind of nervous to go. I haven't danced since high school really, and there is always that small part of me that says, "what if I suck? what if no one asks me to dance and I just end up standing there alone...blah blah blah.." anyway, but I went, and I ended up having a blast. I forgot how much I absolutely love dancing!! Recently I was updating my bucket list, and I had on there that I wanted to waltz at my wedding. I seriously considered taking it off, I didn't really think that I cared enough about it to really make it worth it. But after last night, I am definitely keeping it on there. I love it!!! And I'm super glad I went to the social.

Quick side notes, I am going to dinner tonight with Adam, that should be fun. I haven't seen him since Christmas so that will be good. I also took down all of my countdowns. Sad. It does make me sad, but it's better in a lot of ways. I just couldn't deal with the stress they entailed this week and so I need to detox my life for a bit. We'll see if that changes. I don't know how well you can tell from the picture, but that is my parents 6 month old puppy Steiger. He is so awesome. And such a sweet heart. He's really smart as well and makes Jack seem like the dumbest dog ever (which he just might be). Anyway, so that puppy weighs over 100 pounds already. He's going to be so huge!! It's awesome!

School, Salads, and Training

Well, where to start. We are now almost through the first week of school. It's been pretty good, maybe a little rough, but it's a good start. I'm really excited for most of my classes, namely common medicines, human physiology(although it will kick my butt), and surprisingly biochemistry. I am okay with my ecology class, could be cool, but just not really my cup of tea. However, I am so not looking forward to my public speacking class...today i had to give a 45 second speech about my favorite thing to eat for breakfast. Seeing how I hate breakfast and wouldn't eat if it weren't the most important meal of the day, not really very good. But the teacher is nice enough so it's alright.

I am endevoring this semester to try and eat more healthy. My lunch yesterday, spinach salad with a few croutons and some left over chicken, and yes, a little bit of ranch. It sucks that ranch has to be so unhealthy, but it's the only kind of dressing that I really care for. Actually though, the salad was good. I forgot how much I like spinach with croutons and ranch. Today, whole wheat bread, extra lean ham, tomatoes, spinach, and a tiny bit of mayo. Also a banana and fruit leather. Not too bad if I say so myself. It's a start. I am also trying to participate in a sugar fast with my friend Alexi and Bridget. With the rule being that one thing of "candy" is allowed each week. I was so hoping to go party at TCBY on Saturday to celebrate my first week without sugar, but I gave in and ate some dark chocolate milkyways on tuesday...sad.

Anyway. So last week I started back into serious marathon training, for my first full coming up in June. I haven't really ran since the half, so it's been interesting to get back into it. My body isn't quite sure how to handle it, but it will remember. Since the air quality and ice have been so bad I have been running on the indoor track, and I'll admit, it is a serious mental battle just to run 1 mile. (7.5 laps.) But today I learned something interesting. I really hit my "runners high" between 4 and 6 miles. I don't enjoy it much before that, after that it's difficult, but when I am running those two miles, I remember why I'm doing it. I realize how great running really can be, and how incredibly worth it it is. Too bad I can't hit that a little earlier....oh well. I am super excited though, because Deborah is now training with me, and I LOVE!! having someone to run with all the time. It makes it so much easier. and I greatly appreciate her slowing down her stride to run at my pace. Also, I finally, finally, after months of trying, was able to talk my sister into running with us for the half marathon in September. And so she is now training as well at home. I love it. I love seeing other people improve themselves and realize how worth it it really is, even though every minute of it is hard. It makes you feel so good after you are done. I can honestly say today that I love running. (that may not last long though...)