Moments, Memories, and Finals

Have you ever been able to look back on your life and pinpoint the exact moment where it began to change drastically? Exactly 100 days ago, almost to the hour, I received a text message from an old friend that I haven't heard from and have barely thought about in almost 8 years. That text message surprised me, and intrigued by how he had gotten my phone number, I responded, and we began talking. I didn't think much of it, other than "oh, what a fun blast from the past." It's funny how naive I was about what so simple a thing as answering that text would end up meaning. I am now dating that friend, and I have never been more happy in my entire life. He is amazing. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, and he makes me feel better about myself than I ever have. When I look back at where I was 100 days ago, I don't even feel like it was the same lifetime as I am in now. It's like everything before him just isn't quite real, because this is what life was always meant to be. Me and him. Except the small fact that he lives in Cedar and I live in Salt Lake. That sucks. A lot. It's harder than I ever thought it would be. I miss him every moment. But he is so worth every second. I live for the weekends that I get to spend with him. I love him. Plain and simple. The last 100 days have just been amazing. Everyone of them. We've had some trials, but even those I don't regret. They have just made me love him more. So, here's to the next 100 days.

Did I ever post about getting an interview to pharmacy school? Well if not, I have an interview to Roseman University of Health Sciences in January. I'm so nervous! I really hope I get into at least one of the schools that I have applied to. Preferably the U, but I'm not too picky.

This semester is sucking school-wise. I just don't care about my classes. They don't interest me and it's a problem. I'm borderline failing a class. Which I never thought would happen to me. I hope it doesn't, but if it does, it's not the end of the world. I have decided that I need to learn to let myself fail occasionally, not that I'm going to fail on purpose, but sometimes I have such high expectations of myself that they are impossible to live up to and I'm tired of being upset with myself for not making it to a point that I set to high in the first place. So if I fail, it will suck, but life will go on and I will make up for it next semester. But I guess I should be doing studies instead of blogging right now anyway, so I'd better go. Just remember to not hate yourself if you don't quite make it to the goal you set. Just pick yourself back up and start again. Sometimes failing can teach you more about yourself than succeeding will.

Growing, Good Job, and Adam

Today's post goes out to my older brother. Adam, if you read this, I'm so proud of you!! For those of you who don't know Adam, he decided this spring that he wanted to change his life. And he sure has done an awesome job of it. Over the summer he has lost almost 100 pounds and has started on his way to a career that I think he will be really good at. But this weekend was the Snow Canyon Half Marathon. And he decided to run it. And holy cow did he run it. This was his first ever race and he finished in 1:55. I am extremely impressed. It sure blows my first time of 2:50 out of the water. It just goes to show that it is possible. For anyone. If you decide to take that first step, and then each little step after that, you can do it. And you will never regret it. So stop doubting yourself. Stop thinking that you aren't good enough, or strong enough, or whatever it is that you think, just stop. Get up, and get out there! Change your life, change your world, and then return the favor and inspire other people to do the same. It's hard, every second of changing is hard, but there's not a single person who has done it who won't tell you that it's worth it. Good job Adam. Keep it up!

Books, Babies, and Incredible Guys...er guy.

Well, it hasn't been too long since my last post, and not a ton has really changed. But I do have a few things to post that are very news worthy, and exciting. But before I get to those.

I pretty sure that this semester is trying to flatten me with a steam-roller, and unfortunately, because of the nature and size of a steam-roller, it is succeeding. I just can't seem to keep my head above water lately, and the problem is that it is entirely my own fault. I have the worst case of senioritis ever!! I am struggling to find meaning in my classes this semester because none of the information I am learning will be needed once this semester is over, but that is an awful mindset to have. My grades this semester still matter, but I'm having a hard time remembering it, and that is a major problem. They are going to take a major hit. Hopefully though I can save my self a little bit by being super good at studying the next about month and a half. Which means a few things are really going to have to go out of my life. One of those is going to have to be facebook. I tried to swear it off this week and it was an epic fail, but now I have to for real. I will only get on it if I can't be doing something else, which means basically never, at least until I manage to get myself caught back up, which may not actually happen because I am very far behind. So goodbye facebook world, for a little while at least.

But anyway, so I got offered my first pharmacy school interview. I'm so excited!! It is to Roseman something something, previously known as University of Southern Nevada. This school is only a three year program, which would be really nice, but it also is crazy expensive. Like almost 3 times what the U would cost me, which really sucks. It is both my second and fourth choice school. How you ask? Well, they have two campus', one in Utah (my second choice school) and one in Henderson Nevada (my fourth choice school), but really I'm just excited to have an interview. It's nice to know that there is at least one possibility, although an interview doesn't guarantee admissions of course. But I will interview on January 19, so wish me luck! I guess I had better find an outfit between then and now...Mom, shopping?

Also exciting news of the day? This week my sister found out what she is having. I'm so excited for her. IT'S A BOY! I really thought that it was going to be a girl, but it really doesn't matter. That little boy is going to be the most loved/spoiled little baby that ever lived I'm pretty sure. I'm so excited to get to meet him. I'm getting a nephew!! It kind of seems a little unreal to me to consider. I don't think I can really process it as something true, but I'm excited none-the-less. Only like five more months or something! YAY!

So, yeah, things are going great with Colton. As I mentioned in my last post, it was just the one month anniversary of when we started dating. Still can't really believe that. He is amazing though. He sent me the best present ever. It's hard doing this long distance thing. It's hard to not be able to be with him and at least see him on days like that, but there are some fun things about it. Like we did letters for our one month, which was great. That was seriously the best, sweetest, most adorable letter I have ever even considered receiving. It also included a leaf from a tree that is very special to both of us. He's just so adorable! He's definitely a keeper, that's for sure. I just wish I got to spend more time with him, but sadly school is apparently important, which I suppose I should stop blogging and get back to said school. So, Colton, honey, don't forget how crazy about you I am okay? Only 6 more days!! And the rest of you, don't forget to be as awesome as you know deep down you are!!

Fall Break, Forever, and Sister

Wow, so this semester is just flying by my head so fast that I can't even believe it. Today, marks exactly one month since I started dating the most incredible guy ever. I can't believe that it has been a month already, and yet I can't believe that it's only been a month. In some ways, I feel like we have been together forever, yet it also feels like it was just last week that we started dating. I got to spend most of fall break with him, and can I just tell you, he is just so adorable. If you wanted to be treated like a princess, find someone who treats you like he does me. He makes me so happy, and he makes me feel so good about myself. I love every second of time spent with him. This has been the best month ever, and I'm excited to see what the next month holds for us. Baby, if you read this, thank you for being so amazing!!

I hiked angels landing over fall break with him. It was so great. I haven't done that hike for a really long time, and holy crap, it scared me a little. Not bad, but a little. While we were hiking, we ran into this guy who was a cancer survivor whose chemo had made his feet mostly numb. Yet he was hiking the whole thing. I love that. I love it when people do things that are hard for them. I love when they push themselves and dare to do something that they aren't sure that they can do. Seeing him reach the top and knowing how hard it must have been for him was one of the highlights of the hike for me (not the only highlight, and not the best part by far, but still a major bright spot). I just couldn't help but feel so incredibly proud of him for making it all the way up, and I didn't even know him other than talking to him for like 5 minutes. But I'm still proud of what he managed to accomplish and that he didn't let anything, not even cancer keep him from doing something that he wanted to do.

So anyway, my big sister (well, my only sister really), is having a baby in March. I am so excited for her. It's going to be so fun to get to be an aunt. I'm thinking it's going to be a little girl but she thinks it's a boy. We find out in 9 days!! That is so exciting. I can finally start some serious Christmas shopping after that. I mean seriously it's almost November and I only have one present bought and figured out. That is really slow moving for me. It's okay though. But Sarah Beth, I really would like it if you could have this baby on the 18th, okay? thanks little baby for cooperating with me!!

Only one semester left until I graduate. I can't believe it. I don't feel nearly old enough to be graduating with my bachelors degree. It's nuts. But I will find out what pharmacy school I go to in March too. March is going to be a good month I think.

Changes, Colton, and Happiness

So today I made a huge step in my life. I jumped off the edge, without thought of what may be below me, without much care, because it doesn't matter, I know that he's going to be there to catch me. To those who follow me on Facebook, which I'm pretty sure is basically every reader of this blog...you will know what I'm talking about already. Yep, that's right, I am now officially in a relationship. A long distance one no less...

Things are moving so fast that it terrifies me, but he makes me so happy that I forget to be afraid. The last few weeks have been some of the best of my entire life, and I seriously am just happy all the time. I have been putting off the decision to call it a relationship for probably a few weeks now, because I'm me, because I'm cautious, because I'm afraid, because letting yourself be that vulnerable is hard, because it is very fast and I tend to think things through for a long time before I decide on them. But after talking to a few friends this week, and my little brother, I was struggling to keep fighting the decision, I didn't want to fight it. I'm so crazy about him that I can hardly handle that I have to be away from him. I haven't even spent very much time with him, but I just want to be with him every second of everyday, he's incredible. He's everything I've ever dreamed of, and that in and of itself scares me...

But last night, after talking to Alex White for a little bit, he asked me a question that changed everything. I'm not going to put the question in here, but my answer to that question made me rethink everything. If that was my answer then how could I possibly not call this what it is, but still I fought it, all last night and most of this morning, until finally, I decided that I didn't want to fight it anymore. So my Facebook relationship status has officially changed. And my reaction to that simple thing surprised me. I thought a complete freak out would ensue, I thought I would be scared, but honestly, all I feel is completely and utterly happy about it, the only thing that I don't feel like flying about is the fact that I don't get to see him for another week and a half... I just feel so right about everything that is happening right now, and I think my cheek bones may break from excess smiling.

He called me sweetheart today....I could seriously die happy right this second. Life is incredible. He is incredible. It's still early, it's still new, and there is still a lot that we are going to have to work out and get through, but for him, I'll do it, because he is worth every second.

God, Greatness, and Just all Around Smiles

This post will be short, and not very informative I am sure. I don't feel like going much into why I am posting, maybe I will later, but for right now, I just have to post to tell the world how great life is right now. I'm so happy. Life is just all around great.  If you had told me a year, or even three months ago, the turns my life were going to take this semester to put me exactly where I'm at this moment, I would have told you that you were completely crazy.  But here I am.  And I'm SOOO grateful. I'm so grateful for an incredible God, who loves me when I don't deserve it, who blesses me even when I turn away from him, and who knows better than I can ever expect to know myself.  He sees what I need and where I need to go even when I think my path lies 180 degrees in the other direction, and he leads me that way even though I argue that it can't be the right way. Yet when I finally start to look around, I realize that this was even better than where I was hoping to end up. And I love it. I don't know what I have done to deserve such an amazing Father love me so much and never give up on me, but I hope I do better lately at not forgetting it.

This week has been amazing. Anyone who knows me really well will know that I'm a worrier, I worry and stress about everything and anything. But today, for the first time, in a long time, maybe ever, I was able to stop worrying completely. Every fear, every doubt I was able to give up and place directly in His hands, because he has never steered me wrong before, and if this is where He wants my life to go, then it is where I will find the more joy than I ever could have dreamed of. And this week has been a touch of it. Seriously, I am just happy. And life truly is amazing.

So my dare of this post? Take time to look around you and be grateful for everything that you have. Don't forget how blessed you really are. Find joy in the simple things. Don't forget to be happy. And most of all, don't forget that no matter where you are in your life, no matter what you are doing, or however unworthy of it you may think you are at times, God loves you so much more than you can ever even begin to comprehend. :)

Defining Yourself, Daring Yourself, and Homesickness

Well, it's been awhile. I have been planning on posting this for awhile, and have been composing it in my head over and over again for the past few weeks, so hopefully I can remember all the things that I wanted to say. First off, just to update, school has started back up again and I'm off full swing into my senior year of college. I can't believe it. I really don't feel like I should be that old. I have to admit, in a lot of ways, I still feel like I should be in high school. Other than the fact that I'm not even remotely the same person that I was then. I'm sure I'd even really recognize that girl if I saw her now. It's amazing what three years will do. I also just got a new job at the Dan's Pharmacy in Holliday. I'm so excited about it, I can't even begin to tell you. Although I long to be somewhere else, I know without a doubt this is where I'm meant to be. Things don't just fall together like this unless they are right. I expected to have to apply to hundreds of pharmacies before maybe finding something, but this is just perfect. It's exactly what I was hoping for.

Where do I want to be? I wish I could be home. I have never felt this homesick before in my entire life. I'm managing. But it's hard. I miss feeling the love that I feel when I'm there. Both from others and for others. Feeling love so strongly that it's something tangible. Almost like an object rather than a feeling. And not just from my family, but from and for my pets. It's incredible how much I can love something that doesn't even talk, that isn't even a person, and how much love you can feel from them in return. It's an incredible capacity that humans have, and I miss being able to bask in it every day. Don't ever be afraid to let yourself love others. It's the most excruciatingly painful emotion in the world, but there isn't much to life without it.

Anyway, on to my dare of this post, since that seems to be a theme I think I will continue. Lately I have heard a lot of comments from people about how they would be embarrassed, or they don't want to do something because they wouldn't be able to be good enough to brag about it to other people. That is so backwards!! We all need to stop thinking that way. Case and point, I know several people who refuse to run a marathon because they would be embarrassed by their time and wouldn't be able to brag about it to other people. Well honey, I didn't even finish my first marathon, and I'm every bit as proud of it as I could be. I got out, and I made an effort. I tried to do something that terrified me. I refused to believe that I was limited and couldn't do it, and I learned a lot from it. Granted, I should have been smarter about doing it, but I wasn't and you know what, I don't regret it. I just proved to myself even more how much of my weakness is self imposed. I can run 24 miles of a marathon with no training, I can do a whole heck of a lot more if I apply myself, and so can you. I'm still learning to apply myself and push past those weaknesses, I probably always will be but I'm slowly learning how to do it. So as my new favorite quote says, it's a line from a pink song, "Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead" we need to change our mindsets. We need to stop defining ourselves based on what other people think. We need to stop caring about how we might appear to other people, and learn to appreciate ourselves for who we are. Every little quirk and annoying habit and flaw we think we might have. They truly don't matter.

So, I dare you to stop. Stop caring if someone else doesn't think you are good enough. Stop limiting yourself because you think you aren't good enough for someone else. Be proud of who you are. Stop being embarrassed by dorky pictures of yourself, and embrace them as what makes you unique. And I most of all dare you to not be afraid to love. Others or yourself.