Musings, Memories, and Random Thoughts

I have a lot of thoughts in my head right now, a lot of thoughts too big to be thinking about at almost midnight on a Saturday night, but I can't help but wonder. I wonder who I would be today if I hadn't decided to go where I did for college, if I hadn't decided to move away from Cedar City 5 years ago. How many things about my life and who I have become would be different? I miss Cedar, I won't deny that. I miss the little things. I miss the late night chats with Jake, laughing about my mom and her silly quirks. I miss sharing a room with Sarah and having her read me the news of the weird and her making me play life all the time. I miss waking up to the sound of my dad cooking on the weekends and talking to him while everyone else was still in bed, or just sitting with him even if we didn't talk. I miss getting to see my dog everyday. I miss feeling like no matter how hard things got, I could always go home and there would be warmth and love and family, and without fail, someone teasing me for being ridiculous. Yes, I miss that life sometimes and sometimes I regret that fact that I chose to leave it. That I was so ready to get out at that point, that I couldn't wait to get away.

But then again, in so many other ways, I don't regret it...As much as I love that sleepy little town that made me into the person that I was, I think I found myself in Salt Lake, found myself in a way I couldn't in Cedar City, Cedar made me into who I was, but Salt Lake made me into who I am. And don't get me wrong, I love my life now too. I love my husband, and I have just as much feeling of love and warmth in my apartment now as I did in my home back then, and I love being in pharmacy school, I love working in pharmacy, I love the life I living, but there is a part of me who is torn. A part of me that feels an insane amount of jealously for those who didn't accomplish the things that I have, but instead got married and now stay at home with their kids all the time. The whirlwind of the life I have chosen excites me, and makes me feel alive, and I feel that I am thriving in the difficulties of making it through this crazy rush of things, but there is a small corner of who I was, a small corner of that girl who used to sit in the kitchen on Saturday mornings with my dad, that misses the slow beauty there is to life to.

So, I guess I don't know what I'm saying. I guess you should be happy where you are at, because you can never have everything. But you can come pretty close. You can have the exciting life of accomplishment while getting a Doctorate degree, and you can also have the amazing husband who holds you while you sleep and takes care of things so you don't have to and creates a wonderful atmosphere of love to come home to. And I guess I'm saying that family is important, so don't take them for granted, because really, the people we love and care about are the only thing that really matters. And I guess I'm saying that I shouldn't stay up so late night after night because I become way to philosophical when really my life is good and even though I will always be homesick a little at times, I chose the life I wanted and the life that made me into the best me I could have become. I chose the life I was supposed to live, and I may always wonder who I would have been had I choose differently, but really, that doesn't matter, I will never know that person, but there person I know now is still a good one.

Excited, Exercise, and Soul-touched.

This post will be short. I just thought I would do a quick update. But today I got a really awesome bed frame all set up. I'm so excited to finally sleep in a real bed again! It's so pretty! Thanks in-laws! It was our christmas present, yes, it's a little early, but it was on a killer sale. And we finally put up the shelves that we bought months ago so now I have somewhere to put my cleaners and a super cute shelf in our room. Sweet, now I finally feel like I really live here. Hope I don't have to move any time soon. But anyway, pharmacy school is good. Kicking my butt, but good. Three tests, two quizzes and a paper due every other week, yeah, it tests what you are made of. But I am really enjoying it so far. And doing well. And I love my husband. A lot. I'm glad I have him to keep me sane and spoil me. Dusty is also getting so big. I'm so sad we couldn't go down and see him for his first Halloween and take him trick or treating, but with a test today late and one tomorrow morning and Colton working tonight it just wasn't doable. It's too bad. That kid gets cuter and cuter everyday.

But anyway, that's all I really have to say right now. Except this, Today as I was driving I saw this man who was pretty overweight walking with a few bags full of groceries several blocks away from the nearest grocery store. And for some reason it made me really proud, really proud that he was walking and least trying to do some form of exercise. I don't know him and I will probably never see him again, but something about him trying to better himself and improve his life touched my soul a little bit. I think that is what life is about. Improving ourselves and rejoicing when others take steps to do the same. It just makes me happy. That is all.

Details, Doodle, and Updates

So yeah,  I never blog very much anymore. Life is just crazy stressful. I have officially survived my first two weeks of pharmacy school. Including one test and four quizzes. Its a lot of work though. I seriously don't know how they expect us to do so much all the time. I have like 20+ pages of reading every day but I'm only working two days a week so I have actually a surprising amount of free-time still. I was however, 10 minutes late to my very first class of pharmacy school. Stupid shuttle system...and I didn't know where the back door to the classroom was so I had to go in the front door and ended up sitting in the middle of the very front row. After class I went to apologize to the professor for being late, and I seriously couldn't talk, I just stuttered and mixed all the words around backwards. Come to find out, my teacher that day was none other but the freakin' dean of the college!! I'm pretty sure I made a good impression on him...how embarrassing. But anyway I'm actually caught up or ahead in all of my classes. That surprises me. I'm not sure that has really happened since high school. Its a nice feeling, I hope I can make it last. I had my white coat ceremony last week. That was really fun. Kinda different. All my family came, except for Sarah because she couldn't get off work, which is okay. I'm really proud of her for how awesome of a teacher she is going to be, and a mom. My parents tended Dusty this weekend for her and so we went down to their hotel and went swimming with them. It's so funny. That kid is so stinkin' adorable. And he's not scared of anything. He loves swimming and just kicks and kicks his legs when you put him in the water. I just wish we got to see him more. He's growing so fast and is like a different kid every time I see him.

But other than school life if great. I love being married so much. 3 months and it just keeps getting better. I could have picked a better time to get married or a better man to marry. I am seriously one of the luckiest girls in the whole world. I can't believe we have already lived in our apartment for almost a month. It really is so much better than where we lived for the summer. It has air conditioning. And the ward is great, I think we live with some of the best people there are around. We also finally got most of the pictures hung up in our apartment other than the prints from our wedding that we haven't gotten yet, but really it looks great.

But anyway...That's really everything...Sorry not the most exciting blog post, but hey, it's still a post right?

Graduation, Getting Married, and Updates

Well, it has been far to long since I have updated all of you on the happenings of my life. And honestly I don’t know where to start. I graduated from my undergraduate degree, and though it isn’t quite as stellar as my high school, my lowest grade was a B-. So still no C’s, though who knows how long that will stay the case now. I ended up getting into pharmacy school at the University of Utah, after getting wait listed. Which was hard for me. I was accepted to both Idaho State and Roseman, and after finally deciding to go to Idaho and that I was okay with it, I was offered a spot at the U. The day after I sent my tuition deposit to Idaho. Talk about timing. I was able to get me deposit refunded at least, and I guess I just need to be grateful that I had options to choose from. That being said though, I’m incredibly grateful that I ended up at the U instead of in Idaho. Pocatello is nice, but too far away, and far too cold. So I will be starting Pharmacy school in about two months. I can’t really believe that. Four more years and I will have a career and technically be a doctor…Weird. Anyway…

So yeah, that’s all with school. I also have been married now for over 3 weeks. That is crazy strange. Being married is great though. I have probably the most amazing husband in the entire world, who spoils me much more than I deserve. It’s so nice to not have to send him home at the end of the night knowing that I won’t see him for a couple of weeks. Yes, I love being married, I love knowing that at the end of the day, I get to come home to him. I love waking up in the morning and having him be there. It’s definitely a life worth living. The wedding was fantastic. It was everything I could have wanted, except for the fact that the weather sucked so we had to move it inside, but my family did a fantastic job decorating so it didn’t really matter all that much anyway. My dad did such a fantastic job planning. I’m glad he was around and willing to do it, because I don’t know what would have happened without him. It probably wouldn’t have been much of a wedding. But I will post some pictures as soon as I get a copy of the CD of them from my parents. I had some really awesome friends come that meant a lot to me. Some who got up incredibly early and drop all the way down from Northern Utah, just to be there. You guys are amazing. Thanks for being awesome! Also one of my really good friends from Cedar was getting married at the St. George temple at the same time in the sealing room next to ours so we got to take some pictures with her after so that was really great too. Colton said yes way to early during the sealing though. Well, I guess he was just incredibly anxious to be married to me. Can't say that I blame him...

We went on a cruise for our honeymoon to cabo san lucas and puerta vallerta. It was a blast. Seriously amazing. But of course, we forgot a camera and so we have basically no pictures. Although we did buy a disposable one and are just waiting for the prints to be done. I'm excited to see them. We also are moved into our apartment, where we will be living for at least the summer. It's a cute little basement apartment in Sugarhouse. I love it but we will probably move back on campus into the married housing once school starts. Colton also got a job as a front end supervisor/cashier in the store that I work at. So that has been great. They have been so good to us and have given him full time hours for the summer, which is awesome since we have no money. And I'm in the process of getting an intern spot lined up at my current job too so I can get my school hours in and still get paid for it. Awesome. So yeah, short and sweet version of the last three months. Dusty is as cute as every and getting more adorable everyday. My parents got another st. bernard/mastiff mix to try and replace Steiger. And SB (Sarah Beth) got a teaching job over in Emery county and so she will be moving soon too. Yes, lI will try to do better at updating more often, but with being a newlywed and in my first year of pharmacy school, no guarentees. 

Oh, I also am writing this blog from the brand new laptop Colton's parents bought me for a wedding present. It's awesome!!! I'm so excited to actually have a computer that works. I also have a kitchen-aid now. Yes, life is good.  

Journey, Jogging, and Remembering

Wow, two posts within a month, I think I may be setting a new record for me...no, not really, I used to be a lot better at blogging before life got so busy, oh and did I mention that every single time I write the words a lot I spell it alot and have to erase it and rewrite it...every single time... You would think I would have learned by now, but of course I haven't.  But anyway. Life is a funny thing you know that? It has a way of throwing things at you that you never saw coming and moving so fast while still moving incredibly slow until you want to scream from the anticipation of the unknown. But that isn't really what I wanted to blog about, I wanted to blog about what has been a recurring theme of mine for basically the entire exsistance of this blog, and that is my running journey.

I'm a little ashamed to admit that for the last several months I kind of fell off the wagon, like hardcore fell of the wagon, hard enough to get road rash sort of falling off the wagon. I just never got back into it as much after my marathon attempt. I did run another half marathon in September, but my heart just wasn't into it really. I just forgot to remember why I was doing it. I run because it makes me happy. It makes me feel good. It makes me remember that I am better than I think I am, that I can do so much more than I think I am capable of, I run because that sore muscle feeling is one of the best. I run because I can help prove to everyone else that if I can do it than so can they. I run because it makes me a better person, both physically and emotionally. And I love that. I love how just maybe the fact that I get out and run might inspire someone else to get started, to remember all the things about themselves that makes them great. I love the sense of companionship you find with people you have never met before when you run. The way you feel like you can know a little bit about them and understand them just a little and that they can understand you a little better too. There is a connection there between complete strangers that I haven't really found anywhere else. And I forgot that this last little while. And I've missed it in a way I didn't really understand. I would go out occasionally to attempt to pick it back up, but I never made it more than one day or so, I just couldn't quite figure out what it was that was missing.

Then this week suddenly it was like something snapped back into place inside of me. Something I hadn't realized was out of place. I went for a run and out of no where on the last quarter mile, I remembered!! I remembered that I love this. I love the way it makes me feel. I love the way I feel about myself when I finish. I love how after every single run I want to go out and convince everyone I care about to do the same because I want them to be able to feel like I feel in that moment. Because everyone deserves to feel like that. There are so many small victories in running. That's why I love it so much. Because there are so many little things to focus on, like today I went out and ran about 3 miles. I haven't done that in probably four months, actually probably even longer, probably since my last half marathon in September, and it felt good. I'm kind of sore now, but I love that in and of itself. And you know what? I wanted to push myself farther. I didn't want to quit. I just wanted to run and run and lose all of the stress and thoughts in my head that have been trying to overwhelm me this last week. While I was running, school didn't matter, where I was living next month didn't matter, everything I need to get done before graduation and the wedding just didn't matter. There was just my feet and the road and the desire to be better. I LOVE that.

And so now, I think I can officially say that I am back on the running front, because I have remembered why I am doing it. I still have never gotten to the point where I felt I could really call myself a run, but rather I'm just someone who chooses to run occasionally, but I think this time, that is finally going to change. I think in a  year from now I will be able to finally say that I am definitely a runner. I look forward to being able to tell you all that. So since there hasn't been one for awhile, I dare you to find what you love, to remember why you love it, and to do it. I dare you to remember who you are and then when you do, encourage someone else to go out and do the same. Oh, and side note. I just read this book called the Present by Spencer Johnson, definitely a must read if you are struggling with anything in your life. I think it could help.

Wedding plans, Waiting, and Dusty Doodle

Okay, so this blog has been neglected for awhile. I've been meaning to do an update for about two months now, but life is just so busy that I haven't gotten around to it. But anyway, here goes. Life is great. Seriously, it's hard but it's amazing. The wedding is fast approaching and we are down to about 9 1/2 weeks before the big day. I can't believe how quickly it's coming. I'm getting all excited and nervous now everytime I think about it. Things are mostly planned by now so it's coming together. I have my dress, flowers picked out but not yet ordered, engagements taken, everything set up to take bridals in a couple of weeks, I'm just working on invitations now, it's crazy. The one thing we don't have yet is a place to live after we are married but it's difficult because we don't know where we will be living yet....

I still have only heard from one pharmacy school. I was accepted at Roseman University of Health Sciences at their Utah Campus so that is exciting. It's my 3rd choice of the three but I'm going to pharmacy school regardless. I was wait listed at the U...:( sad. Not exactly what I was hoping for but there is still a chance  that i could get in there, and I have yet to hear back from Idaho State so everything is still very up in the air right now. It's stressful since I am graduating in like five weeks and still have no idea where I will be living. But I'm excited. It's getting harder to be engaged. I just want to be married to that man already. It seriously is so hard to have to leave him and know I won't see him for another two weeks. Man do I hate this long distance relationship thing. But I love him so much, he is worth all the frustrations that come with it.

Now, about 7 or so weeks ago, on February 1st, my sister had a little boy, a whopping 7 weeks early. That little cookie was sure in a hurry to get here. His due date is tomorrow. Silly baby. He is healthy though and doing great. She named his Dustin Michael Gibbs, little Dusty. Goodness he is the most precious baby ever. It sucks that I don't get to see him very often but what can you do. I love his stinkin' little face. My parents are loving being grandparents and are so silly about him it's hilarious. My mom is seriously the biggest baby hog ever. She doesn't share. It's funny though because it makes Colton even more baby hungry than he already is, and I have to admit, there is something about holding something so precious while he has his arm around me that makes me want one too... I'm not in a rush to have one, but I guess we will see what the Lord has in store for us and when it's time to have one.