Who am I?

There comes a time in life that it becomes necessary to take a step back and examine who we are becoming, and if needed, change the road we are taking to get there.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Daring, Dreaming, and Improving

I've been doing a lot of thinking today and I've realized some important things. I've realized that it's not enough to look at where you are in your life, instead, you have to look at where you are in comparison to where you used to be. It's no good to judge yourself for what you are doing if you don't do it in the context of what you used to do. Remember that. I was thinking about my failed marathon attempt, thinking about how I spent 2 hours berating myself and basically loathing myself for being a failure, but then today I realized, I'm not a failure. Not even close. So, I didn't finish this marathon, but next time I will. And I started to think about the path that put me where I am today, and I realized that I truly am not a failure.

Two years ago, probably close to the day actually, I decided that I could run a marathon. Not necessarily that I wanted to, but that I could. At that point I'm not even sure I had ever ran a mile without stopping in my entire life. It's sad, but it's true. Physical activity has never been my focus or my strong suit. But I decided that I could, and so I started trying to make myself run. I don't remember that first time running a mile without stopping, but I remember quite vividly to this day how it felt the first time I ever ran 2 miles without stopping. It hurt, it was sooo hard, and I didn't think I could do it, but as I watched the distance tick downwards on the tredmill, every part of my body screamed out in joy and pride. All I wanted to do was cry because it was a step forward that I hadn't thought I could accomplish. Then the first time I ever ran 4 miles, my dad and brother made me, and not even two miles in, I broke down and cried, because it was too hard, because I didn't think I could do it, because I felt I was holding them back and making them run too slow, but I pushed past it, and I made it those 4 miles. I was sore for two days.

When I look back at those days, really look back and remember what it felt like to be that person, it surprises me. I don't really remember that person. The thought of running 4 miles doesn't scare me like it did then, I actually really enjoy a run after I reach mile 4, and to be honest, that scares me a little. That I have come that far without even realizing, and looking down on myself is a little frightening. How can I be so blind to my own progress and strength? I ran 10.5 miles on an injured foot, without stopping once, with almost no training. I finished 24 miles of a marathon with absolutely no training. Most people don't dare to dream enough to get out there and try that. Maybe I didn't run a marathon in 3 and a half hours, yeah, maybe I didn't even finish, but I dared to try. I dared to try and become the person that I want to be, and proved to that girl who was proud of her first ever two miles, that it will pay off, and that I can do it. If I can almost finish a marathon with no training, what can I do if I train? The concept of how unlimited I am is truly amazing.

So I'd like to encourage everyone who will read this to go for your dreams. Dare to have them, dare to try for them. But most of all, dare to believe in yourself. Dare to accept your failures and part of the path that will lead you closer to who you really want to be. Most of all, dare to be positive. Dare to overcome the little things and don't condemn yourself because you didn't make it as far as you wanted. It's not where you are that matters, it's where you came from that makes the difference.

2 comments:

  1. I never really understood this quote until reading your post...

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    Marianne Williamson

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  2. Ahh, thanks Jennifer. That is one of my all time favorite quotes and I actually have it on the side of my blog. I'm glad that you associated it with my post.

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