It's been a little while since I've updated this blog. Most everything has been on my pregnancy blog instead of this one, and life has just been busy overall. But yeah, in case you missed it, we are having a baby!!! I will be 26 weeks tomorrow. Only 99 days left! It's going to be a little girl, due on January 15, 2014. We are so in love with her already! And since everyone asks, we have picked out the name Elli Bernice. Though it may or may not change at some point if we feel it just isn't what her name is supposed to be. Colton is hard at work with a crazy busy semester and will finish up his application for the U's master of OT program next week. Interviews are in February so keep sending up prayers that he gets one. I have no doubts that he will be fine and get in but it never hurts to have more people praying. I'm just going through my second year of pharmacy school and it's flying by faster than I can even comprehend.
I mostly just wanted to post because I wanted to talk about something I have started to learn since being pregnant. It's been a hard lesson for me, and one that I wish I would have learned earlier in my life. But it is a beautiful message to understand and know now. Anyone who knows me personally probably knows that I have some body image issues (what girl doesn't in our society, right) but mine are bad. I have little to no self-esteem at times and I struggle to feel like I am good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, etc. But so many things have changed with this little life growing inside me. I have begun to realize and see my body for the incredible miracle that it truly is. It's amazing. Truly. It has the capacity to grow this little life, and provide her with everything she needs to become a whole person. It is strong, healthy. I can lift incredibly heavy objects for a women, I can hike for miles without stopping. I am working on my feet 20 hours a week, going to school full time with 18 graduate level credits, and 6 months pregnant, yet my body just keeps on going and giving me all it has to give. I walk one hour 4 days a week now, to and from class, and it just does it. It has run two half marathons in under 3 hours with no training, simply because I asked it to do so. It's always been amazing and has never let me down. So why do I hate it? HOW can I hate it? It is beautiful. It is a miracle unlike anything else in this world. And slowly, my whole world has been shifting around this concept. My body is imperfect. But I love it anyway. I love those imperfections that make me me. I love the fact that I have incredible strength and stamina that makes it possible for me to do everything I love and want to do, things that I might not be able to do if I had the perfect skinny body I used to dream of. My body has been good to me, and I want to start being as good to it as it is to me. I want to be able to instill in my daughter a love of her body. A realization of the miracle that she is, to me and otherwise. So I will still exercise, I still plan to run and train for a half-marathon next year, but it's different now. I don't want to run because maybe if I do so then I will be skinny and finally be worthy of my own love. I want to do it because I do love my body, I love it enough to treat it right. To exercise it and make it as healthy as it can be. And everything about that thought process is amazing.
So guess what? I dare you to try. To try and see your body for the miracle that it is instead of the imperfections that it has. To try and love it, because it is so good to you. It makes it possible for everything that you do and have and love to be available. I promise you that if you can do it, if you can find the miracle within yourself, your world will never be the same again.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Sunday, June 23, 2013
New apartment, Nephew, and Life in general
We moved into our new apartment!! I'm so excited. I like it so much better than our old one. It's a little smaller than the old one was but it has two bedrooms and the space is just used sooooooo much better. I actually have some counter space, and a pantry and a coat closet and cupboards in my bathroom. Its so worth the move. We bought carpet and my dad came and helped us put it down then Colton's family helped us move everything over and unpack. I'm so grateful for all of the help everyone gave us. I love living here!! Our new living room and kitchen with awesome giant windows.
I also had to post a few pictures of my nephew because he is so stinking cute and I can't even believe how adorable he is!! I love this stinkin' kid!
Well, life is good right now. Just living and Colton is taking a summer physics class. I'm just enjoying my time off for the summer even though I'm working so much that it isn't really time off. At least my brain isn't being so overstimulated.
I also had to post a few pictures of my nephew because he is so stinking cute and I can't even believe how adorable he is!! I love this stinkin' kid!
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
P2, Plans, and Summer
Well, I have officially survived my first year of pharmacy school!!! I cannot believe that I am now basically a P2. this last year went by so fast. I have almost been married for a year too. I can't believe how fast it has flown by. Pharmacy school has been good to be so far. My lowest grade is a B, which I'm not ashamed of at all. It's hard. But now I only have two years of classes left and then one of rotations. I can't believe that!! I will be done with school before I know it.
Colton's semester went great. He ended up getting a 4.0 this semester. I am so proud of him, but not really surprised. I knew he could do it. I'm really excited for him though, this gives him a great starting place on his prerequisites for applying to the OT program next fall.
Really that is all I have to say. Sad, well except that we are moving again in June. I'm so excited. The apartments that we are moving to have so much nicer kitchens, which is exciting. I'm not excited to move though. Which reminds me, my parents are moving. They have to be out of the old house by the end of may. I'm excited for them, but I'm also really sad. I grew up in that house, and it has a lot of memories, but it will be a good change as well. The new house is really nice. Although I haven't seen it since they started cleaning it up. I hope that will be next weekend. Well anyway, that's really all for now. This is a boring post, sorry, but it's late and I'm tired.
Colton's semester went great. He ended up getting a 4.0 this semester. I am so proud of him, but not really surprised. I knew he could do it. I'm really excited for him though, this gives him a great starting place on his prerequisites for applying to the OT program next fall.
Really that is all I have to say. Sad, well except that we are moving again in June. I'm so excited. The apartments that we are moving to have so much nicer kitchens, which is exciting. I'm not excited to move though. Which reminds me, my parents are moving. They have to be out of the old house by the end of may. I'm excited for them, but I'm also really sad. I grew up in that house, and it has a lot of memories, but it will be a good change as well. The new house is really nice. Although I haven't seen it since they started cleaning it up. I hope that will be next weekend. Well anyway, that's really all for now. This is a boring post, sorry, but it's late and I'm tired.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Procrastinating, Prayers, and General Updates
Well, it's been awhile I suppose, which means it is time for an update. Or really I am just incredibly tired of studying for my exams this week and some I'm trying to procrastinate a little....
Anyway, since my last post, let's see what has happen? Not a lot of big events that I can think of, unless I never posted about somethings, which is very likely. So, where to begin. My first semester of pharmacy school is over, and I passed. Thank heavens...With really good grades too I may add. Now, I didn't get a 4.0 by any stretch, but I worked hard for the grades I got and I'm proud of them. This semester has been going by in a whirlwind. I'm not quite as good as I was last semester at staying on top of things, and that makes it hard, but truth be told, I'm tired. I'm tired of school. I haven't stopped going to school since I was 5 years old, and I'm tired. I love school, I really do, and I don't know what I will do when it is no longer such a huge part of my life, but right now I'm tired. Well, only 69 days left this semester and then just three more years. I think I can handle that. I can't believe how fast my first year has already gone by! In everything. I have been married for almost nine months already. That is insane!
By anyway, Colton is also doing really great in school and enjoying it. He decided he wants to go into Occupational Therapy and is just finishing up his human development degree over the next year so he can apply for the masters program. He is working so hard this semester that I'm looking really lazy next to him, but I'm so proud of him, and I know he's going to be an amazing OT, so send some prayers our way that he will get into the program at the U next fall so he can be finishing up while I am.
My brother Adam got a job as a high way patrol man out in dusuene (I have no idea how to spell it) county out by Roosevelt. He seems to be really loving it, and I'm really proud of him. It's strange to consider that two of my siblings are in careers now and that I will be joining them in the near future. When did we get so old? Oh, and speaking of careers, my mom is almost finished with her masters degree, I think she finishes this year actually. Go Mommy! I'm so proud of all of my family for everything they are accomplishing.
Little Doodle Bug is getting cuter and cuter every second. He's crawling like a mad man now and is just starting to try and walk. He's growing up way too fast! But he gives everyone loves all the time and is seriously one of the happiest babies ever. He is also not allergic to milk anymore. Thank heavens, that was a pain, but we are still waiting for more allergy testing to find out about the wheat.
My in-laws are also doing great. They are so great at helping us out, they probably have no idea how much I depend on them. I am so grateful that I ended up marrying into a family that I like and get along with almost as much as my own. They seriously are the best, and they of course raised the most amazing man for me to marry and I will forever be grateful to them for that.
I guess I have procrastinated enough and should study for my test tomorrow. I will tell you, Pharmacy school is hard. Very very hard. but it's so worth every second.
Anyway, since my last post, let's see what has happen? Not a lot of big events that I can think of, unless I never posted about somethings, which is very likely. So, where to begin. My first semester of pharmacy school is over, and I passed. Thank heavens...With really good grades too I may add. Now, I didn't get a 4.0 by any stretch, but I worked hard for the grades I got and I'm proud of them. This semester has been going by in a whirlwind. I'm not quite as good as I was last semester at staying on top of things, and that makes it hard, but truth be told, I'm tired. I'm tired of school. I haven't stopped going to school since I was 5 years old, and I'm tired. I love school, I really do, and I don't know what I will do when it is no longer such a huge part of my life, but right now I'm tired. Well, only 69 days left this semester and then just three more years. I think I can handle that. I can't believe how fast my first year has already gone by! In everything. I have been married for almost nine months already. That is insane!
By anyway, Colton is also doing really great in school and enjoying it. He decided he wants to go into Occupational Therapy and is just finishing up his human development degree over the next year so he can apply for the masters program. He is working so hard this semester that I'm looking really lazy next to him, but I'm so proud of him, and I know he's going to be an amazing OT, so send some prayers our way that he will get into the program at the U next fall so he can be finishing up while I am.
My brother Adam got a job as a high way patrol man out in dusuene (I have no idea how to spell it) county out by Roosevelt. He seems to be really loving it, and I'm really proud of him. It's strange to consider that two of my siblings are in careers now and that I will be joining them in the near future. When did we get so old? Oh, and speaking of careers, my mom is almost finished with her masters degree, I think she finishes this year actually. Go Mommy! I'm so proud of all of my family for everything they are accomplishing.
Little Doodle Bug is getting cuter and cuter every second. He's crawling like a mad man now and is just starting to try and walk. He's growing up way too fast! But he gives everyone loves all the time and is seriously one of the happiest babies ever. He is also not allergic to milk anymore. Thank heavens, that was a pain, but we are still waiting for more allergy testing to find out about the wheat.
My in-laws are also doing great. They are so great at helping us out, they probably have no idea how much I depend on them. I am so grateful that I ended up marrying into a family that I like and get along with almost as much as my own. They seriously are the best, and they of course raised the most amazing man for me to marry and I will forever be grateful to them for that.
I guess I have procrastinated enough and should study for my test tomorrow. I will tell you, Pharmacy school is hard. Very very hard. but it's so worth every second.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Musings, Memories, and Random Thoughts
I have a lot of thoughts in my head right now, a lot of thoughts too big to be thinking about at almost midnight on a Saturday night, but I can't help but wonder. I wonder who I would be today if I hadn't decided to go where I did for college, if I hadn't decided to move away from Cedar City 5 years ago. How many things about my life and who I have become would be different? I miss Cedar, I won't deny that. I miss the little things. I miss the late night chats with Jake, laughing about my mom and her silly quirks. I miss sharing a room with Sarah and having her read me the news of the weird and her making me play life all the time. I miss waking up to the sound of my dad cooking on the weekends and talking to him while everyone else was still in bed, or just sitting with him even if we didn't talk. I miss getting to see my dog everyday. I miss feeling like no matter how hard things got, I could always go home and there would be warmth and love and family, and without fail, someone teasing me for being ridiculous. Yes, I miss that life sometimes and sometimes I regret that fact that I chose to leave it. That I was so ready to get out at that point, that I couldn't wait to get away.
But then again, in so many other ways, I don't regret it...As much as I love that sleepy little town that made me into the person that I was, I think I found myself in Salt Lake, found myself in a way I couldn't in Cedar City, Cedar made me into who I was, but Salt Lake made me into who I am. And don't get me wrong, I love my life now too. I love my husband, and I have just as much feeling of love and warmth in my apartment now as I did in my home back then, and I love being in pharmacy school, I love working in pharmacy, I love the life I living, but there is a part of me who is torn. A part of me that feels an insane amount of jealously for those who didn't accomplish the things that I have, but instead got married and now stay at home with their kids all the time. The whirlwind of the life I have chosen excites me, and makes me feel alive, and I feel that I am thriving in the difficulties of making it through this crazy rush of things, but there is a small corner of who I was, a small corner of that girl who used to sit in the kitchen on Saturday mornings with my dad, that misses the slow beauty there is to life to.
So, I guess I don't know what I'm saying. I guess you should be happy where you are at, because you can never have everything. But you can come pretty close. You can have the exciting life of accomplishment while getting a Doctorate degree, and you can also have the amazing husband who holds you while you sleep and takes care of things so you don't have to and creates a wonderful atmosphere of love to come home to. And I guess I'm saying that family is important, so don't take them for granted, because really, the people we love and care about are the only thing that really matters. And I guess I'm saying that I shouldn't stay up so late night after night because I become way to philosophical when really my life is good and even though I will always be homesick a little at times, I chose the life I wanted and the life that made me into the best me I could have become. I chose the life I was supposed to live, and I may always wonder who I would have been had I choose differently, but really, that doesn't matter, I will never know that person, but there person I know now is still a good one.
But then again, in so many other ways, I don't regret it...As much as I love that sleepy little town that made me into the person that I was, I think I found myself in Salt Lake, found myself in a way I couldn't in Cedar City, Cedar made me into who I was, but Salt Lake made me into who I am. And don't get me wrong, I love my life now too. I love my husband, and I have just as much feeling of love and warmth in my apartment now as I did in my home back then, and I love being in pharmacy school, I love working in pharmacy, I love the life I living, but there is a part of me who is torn. A part of me that feels an insane amount of jealously for those who didn't accomplish the things that I have, but instead got married and now stay at home with their kids all the time. The whirlwind of the life I have chosen excites me, and makes me feel alive, and I feel that I am thriving in the difficulties of making it through this crazy rush of things, but there is a small corner of who I was, a small corner of that girl who used to sit in the kitchen on Saturday mornings with my dad, that misses the slow beauty there is to life to.
So, I guess I don't know what I'm saying. I guess you should be happy where you are at, because you can never have everything. But you can come pretty close. You can have the exciting life of accomplishment while getting a Doctorate degree, and you can also have the amazing husband who holds you while you sleep and takes care of things so you don't have to and creates a wonderful atmosphere of love to come home to. And I guess I'm saying that family is important, so don't take them for granted, because really, the people we love and care about are the only thing that really matters. And I guess I'm saying that I shouldn't stay up so late night after night because I become way to philosophical when really my life is good and even though I will always be homesick a little at times, I chose the life I wanted and the life that made me into the best me I could have become. I chose the life I was supposed to live, and I may always wonder who I would have been had I choose differently, but really, that doesn't matter, I will never know that person, but there person I know now is still a good one.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Excited, Exercise, and Soul-touched.
This post will be short. I just thought I would do a quick update. But today I got a really awesome bed frame all set up. I'm so excited to finally sleep in a real bed again! It's so pretty! Thanks in-laws! It was our christmas present, yes, it's a little early, but it was on a killer sale. And we finally put up the shelves that we bought months ago so now I have somewhere to put my cleaners and a super cute shelf in our room. Sweet, now I finally feel like I really live here. Hope I don't have to move any time soon. But anyway, pharmacy school is good. Kicking my butt, but good. Three tests, two quizzes and a paper due every other week, yeah, it tests what you are made of. But I am really enjoying it so far. And doing well. And I love my husband. A lot. I'm glad I have him to keep me sane and spoil me. Dusty is also getting so big. I'm so sad we couldn't go down and see him for his first Halloween and take him trick or treating, but with a test today late and one tomorrow morning and Colton working tonight it just wasn't doable. It's too bad. That kid gets cuter and cuter everyday.
But anyway, that's all I really have to say right now. Except this, Today as I was driving I saw this man who was pretty overweight walking with a few bags full of groceries several blocks away from the nearest grocery store. And for some reason it made me really proud, really proud that he was walking and least trying to do some form of exercise. I don't know him and I will probably never see him again, but something about him trying to better himself and improve his life touched my soul a little bit. I think that is what life is about. Improving ourselves and rejoicing when others take steps to do the same. It just makes me happy. That is all.
But anyway, that's all I really have to say right now. Except this, Today as I was driving I saw this man who was pretty overweight walking with a few bags full of groceries several blocks away from the nearest grocery store. And for some reason it made me really proud, really proud that he was walking and least trying to do some form of exercise. I don't know him and I will probably never see him again, but something about him trying to better himself and improve his life touched my soul a little bit. I think that is what life is about. Improving ourselves and rejoicing when others take steps to do the same. It just makes me happy. That is all.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Details, Doodle, and Updates
So yeah, I never blog very much anymore. Life is just crazy stressful. I have officially survived my first two weeks of pharmacy school. Including one test and four quizzes. Its a lot of work though. I seriously don't know how they expect us to do so much all the time. I have like 20+ pages of reading every day but I'm only working two days a week so I have actually a surprising amount of free-time still. I was however, 10 minutes late to my very first class of pharmacy school. Stupid shuttle system...and I didn't know where the back door to the classroom was so I had to go in the front door and ended up sitting in the middle of the very front row. After class I went to apologize to the professor for being late, and I seriously couldn't talk, I just stuttered and mixed all the words around backwards. Come to find out, my teacher that day was none other but the freakin' dean of the college!! I'm pretty sure I made a good impression on him...how embarrassing. But anyway I'm actually caught up or ahead in all of my classes. That surprises me. I'm not sure that has really happened since high school. Its a nice feeling, I hope I can make it last. I had my white coat ceremony last week. That was really fun. Kinda different. All my family came, except for Sarah because she couldn't get off work, which is okay. I'm really proud of her for how awesome of a teacher she is going to be, and a mom. My parents tended Dusty this weekend for her and so we went down to their hotel and went swimming with them. It's so funny. That kid is so stinkin' adorable. And he's not scared of anything. He loves swimming and just kicks and kicks his legs when you put him in the water. I just wish we got to see him more. He's growing so fast and is like a different kid every time I see him.
But other than school life if great. I love being married so much. 3 months and it just keeps getting better. I could have picked a better time to get married or a better man to marry. I am seriously one of the luckiest girls in the whole world. I can't believe we have already lived in our apartment for almost a month. It really is so much better than where we lived for the summer. It has air conditioning. And the ward is great, I think we live with some of the best people there are around. We also finally got most of the pictures hung up in our apartment other than the prints from our wedding that we haven't gotten yet, but really it looks great.
But anyway...That's really everything...Sorry not the most exciting blog post, but hey, it's still a post right?
But other than school life if great. I love being married so much. 3 months and it just keeps getting better. I could have picked a better time to get married or a better man to marry. I am seriously one of the luckiest girls in the whole world. I can't believe we have already lived in our apartment for almost a month. It really is so much better than where we lived for the summer. It has air conditioning. And the ward is great, I think we live with some of the best people there are around. We also finally got most of the pictures hung up in our apartment other than the prints from our wedding that we haven't gotten yet, but really it looks great.
But anyway...That's really everything...Sorry not the most exciting blog post, but hey, it's still a post right?
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