Defining Yourself, Daring Yourself, and Homesickness

Well, it's been awhile. I have been planning on posting this for awhile, and have been composing it in my head over and over again for the past few weeks, so hopefully I can remember all the things that I wanted to say. First off, just to update, school has started back up again and I'm off full swing into my senior year of college. I can't believe it. I really don't feel like I should be that old. I have to admit, in a lot of ways, I still feel like I should be in high school. Other than the fact that I'm not even remotely the same person that I was then. I'm sure I'd even really recognize that girl if I saw her now. It's amazing what three years will do. I also just got a new job at the Dan's Pharmacy in Holliday. I'm so excited about it, I can't even begin to tell you. Although I long to be somewhere else, I know without a doubt this is where I'm meant to be. Things don't just fall together like this unless they are right. I expected to have to apply to hundreds of pharmacies before maybe finding something, but this is just perfect. It's exactly what I was hoping for.

Where do I want to be? I wish I could be home. I have never felt this homesick before in my entire life. I'm managing. But it's hard. I miss feeling the love that I feel when I'm there. Both from others and for others. Feeling love so strongly that it's something tangible. Almost like an object rather than a feeling. And not just from my family, but from and for my pets. It's incredible how much I can love something that doesn't even talk, that isn't even a person, and how much love you can feel from them in return. It's an incredible capacity that humans have, and I miss being able to bask in it every day. Don't ever be afraid to let yourself love others. It's the most excruciatingly painful emotion in the world, but there isn't much to life without it.

Anyway, on to my dare of this post, since that seems to be a theme I think I will continue. Lately I have heard a lot of comments from people about how they would be embarrassed, or they don't want to do something because they wouldn't be able to be good enough to brag about it to other people. That is so backwards!! We all need to stop thinking that way. Case and point, I know several people who refuse to run a marathon because they would be embarrassed by their time and wouldn't be able to brag about it to other people. Well honey, I didn't even finish my first marathon, and I'm every bit as proud of it as I could be. I got out, and I made an effort. I tried to do something that terrified me. I refused to believe that I was limited and couldn't do it, and I learned a lot from it. Granted, I should have been smarter about doing it, but I wasn't and you know what, I don't regret it. I just proved to myself even more how much of my weakness is self imposed. I can run 24 miles of a marathon with no training, I can do a whole heck of a lot more if I apply myself, and so can you. I'm still learning to apply myself and push past those weaknesses, I probably always will be but I'm slowly learning how to do it. So as my new favorite quote says, it's a line from a pink song, "Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead" we need to change our mindsets. We need to stop defining ourselves based on what other people think. We need to stop caring about how we might appear to other people, and learn to appreciate ourselves for who we are. Every little quirk and annoying habit and flaw we think we might have. They truly don't matter.

So, I dare you to stop. Stop caring if someone else doesn't think you are good enough. Stop limiting yourself because you think you aren't good enough for someone else. Be proud of who you are. Stop being embarrassed by dorky pictures of yourself, and embrace them as what makes you unique. And I most of all dare you to not be afraid to love. Others or yourself.