Patience, Possiblities, and Out of Time

Well, I have officially been out of school for 10 days. It's so nice to just have a break and not have to deal with school stuff for a little while. I am still waiting on one grade though, and it's nerve wracking. My scholarship and my financial situation for the next year rides on that one little letter that my Ecology professor doesn't seem to want post. It is very frustrating and makes me extremely antsy. Needless to say, patience has never really been my strong suit. I attempt to work on it some times, but really, I just don't usually do very good with it. I live in a world of instant gratification, and you expect me to wait for things? Are you crazy? I wouldn't really care about waiting for the grade if it weren't for the fact that as long as it is at least a C+ than I will have kept my scholarship for all 4 years of my undergrad. I'm pretty sure I pulled at least a C+ but I don't want to get my hopes up too much just in case. This semester definitely wasn't my best. My first ever grades lower than a B+. Two of them in fact. But as long as I still have a 3.7 I am happy.

I may have a job for the summer. Just part time working 20 hours a week or so at the Lin's Pharmacy. It won't help a whole ton with my money situation (I am completely broke and am pretty sure I will be until I graduate with my Pharm.D.) but it is certainly better than nothing, and I am thrilled about it. I would be perfectly willing to do it unpaid because I need the experience, I will be getting certified as a Pharm Tech, so keep your fingers crossed for me that it will work out. Just waiting for state approval now.

My marathon is now less than a month away. I'm pretty much terrified. There is no way I am even going to be close to ready. I slacked of way way way too much this last semester. It's not going to be good, but I'm pretty much out of time. I will just have to run like crazy the next two weeks and hope I won't completely die when I run because I'm doing it anyway even though I'm not going to be ready. Oh well. I will just have to run with Jack. He loves running. And now I make him carry my water. It makes me happy.

Fateful, Finals, and Running

Well, last night was one of those iconic days in history. The kind that maybe someday my children will ask me if I remember happening. To be honest, I'm really curious what I will remember. Will I remember it as the day we caught the terrorist responsible for so much death and pain? Will I remember it as one of America's prouder moments? Or will I remember it with sadness? I know what Osama did was wrong, I know that so many people are still suffering wounds from what he did, but I find it hard to rejoice in a death. I'm not trying to make light of September 11, that day was tragic, but it's sad that so much pain had to follow for the next 10 years. And quite frankly, I'm scared of what is coming next. I don't think that just because Osama is gone it will mean that everything will be over, that our troops with all come home and finally we will be at peace. I just don't think it's possible. Maybe that's just because half of my life has been spent hearing about the Iraqi conflict, but I just don't think it's that easy. So, I'm worried about what this day will end up being down the road when I finally will be in a position to tell my children about it.

But on other notes. School is finally almost over for this semester. I can't wait. This has been the roughest semester I have ever had. Quite frankly, I'm just tired. Too tired to care anymore. Tired in every way. Tired in ways that sleeping what solve. But it's down to only 3 days left. Just two more finals, one speech, and then finally, finally I get to go home again, and hopefully recharge my emotional and mental batteries a little, because right now they don't have much juice left to keep on going. I'm a little scared for my grades this semester, because I didn't put in the effort that I should have, but whatever happens, happens, and I will have to deal with it however it ends up happening. If it finally is time to say good bye to my full ride, I will be upset, I will probably cry, I will be mad and disappointed in myself that I let things slip through my fingers this semester, but I will also be grateful that I got school almost completely paid for for three years, that's more than a lot of people can say, and more than I was hoping for when I first applied for this scholarship. I guess we will see what happens.

So the results for the 5k still are not posted, so I don't know yet how close I was to that medal, even though it really doesn't matter because there isn't much I can do about it anyway. But there is just under 6 weeks before I am running my first marathon. I have to admit, I am terrified. Along with everything else, my training kind of fell by the wayside this last semester and I am no where near as close to being ready as I should be. But once I'm home it will be a little easier, because I will have my family, and my sister to run with, and Jack to run with as well, and hopefully I can spend those 5 weeks getting ready enough that I don't die. All I want is to finish. I can do that right?